How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie

How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie

Learn in this summary, the art of good relationships and the benefits this can bring to your life.

Have you ever thought that you could have a more profitable relationship with everyone, but you don't know where to start? In "How to Win Friends and Influence People", the author Dale Carnegie teaches you how to create a sincere and lasting relationship with people around you, using simple and enlightening language.

He presents the fundamental principles for a good approach, and teaches that you need to praise sincerely and be empathetic, as this will get you where you want to be, whether in professional or personal life.

Are you curious to know what methods and ideas have helped so many people? The continue reading our summary, and we explain all of them to you!

The book "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

The book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was released in 1937. With 264 pages and more than 50 million copies sold around the world, the book brings great teachings about interpersonal relationships, and presents a well-structured line of argument about people's way of thinking.

In addition, the book offers the reader several insights that will help to improve communication and reach the audience better.

Who was Dale Carnegie?

Although he's the author of a very current subject, Dale Carnegie was born in 1888, in the United States, becoming a best-seller with several books on relationships and one of the precursors in the self-help segment.

His main teachings are linked to the transformation of people, being a speaker for several years and training minister in this area, addressing issues about how they could improve in order to achieve success.

In addition to the bestselling "How to Win Friends and Influence People", he is the author of books:

Why should I read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" ?

The content of the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People", is intended for salespeople, managers, parents, teachers, people who wish to make a good first impression, those who are concerned to be more friendly and to all those who deal with people, that is, all of us.

What are the key points?

The highlights of the book are:

  • Be genuinely interested in other people.
  • Do not criticize, condemn, or complain about people.
  • Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  • If you make a mistake, recognize it quickly.
  • Before criticizing another person, speak first of your own mistakes.
  • Compliment all improvements, however light they may be.
  • If you want to change others, start with yourself first.
  • Feeling important is one of the strongest human desires. Always make others feel important and never undermine anyone sense of importance.
  • Remember the names of people. A person's name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  • Express your ideas dramatically. Use illustrations and charisma to convey your ideas.

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[Book Summary] How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie

Avoid criticizing

Dale Carnegie begins the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by showing why we should strongly avoid criticizing people. To criticize someone is not going to cause this individual to try to change, because we are instinctively guided by emotion, not by reason. When criticized, the person will feel attacked and the natural reaction is to withdraw and try to react.

Many successful people have made it a habit to not outsource criticism. Benjamin Franklin, for example, said that his success was due to the fact of "not speaking bad things about anyone".

Criticizing someone is easy, but it takes character to understand and forgive people for their mistakes. So, if you want people to like you, think about the reason that led them to that mistake, accept the consequences and do not openly criticize them.

Distribute compliments

Learn in this part of the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People", to compliment in a correct way, so that people like you, but do not look like a flatterer.

One of the strongest characteristics of human behavior is the desire to be valued by other people. We all like to get compliments and hear that we are doing a good job.

You have to be careful not to overdo it and start making false statements because people around you will notice. Simple and educated phrases like "I'm sorry", "Good morning" and "Thank you" are enough, allied with sincere compliment.

The most natural method to provide compliments is to stop and think about the positive points of the person in front of you. Consider that every person is superior to you in some aspect, so, you always have something to learn and value in another person.

It is also interesting to remember the so-called "Golden Rule": treat people the way you want to be treated.

Praise can also be used when you want someone to change your way of acting. Think about it in this way: just as the barber puts foam on the face before shaving the beard, it's easier for us to hear unpleasant things after receiving a compliment.

In that sense, always keep praising the person for every improvement he or she demonstrates, as this will keep him/her motivated and make it easy to change in the direction you want.

By doing so, you will quickly become a person that others like and want to work with. In addition, you will have a positive impact on the lives of everyone around you.

Use the power of smile

In this part, Dale Carnegie explains the power that a smile has for you and the receiver.

A stock broker from New York known to be closed and moody decided to change his stance. Every morning, he began to greet his wife with a smile, as well as to the porter of the building, the subway attendant and his co-workers.

The result was that people began to smile back. At home, the environment has improved a lot. At work, he realized that it was easier to deal with problems and complaints, which increased his sales. In summary, he became a happier and richer man.

In addition, psychologists have found that the connection between smiles and positive emotions is a two-way street: smiling can consciously generate good emotions, just as positive thoughts lead to smile.

You can even force yourself to smile: whistle or sing some music you like! Act as if you are already happy and soon you will realize that you are getting more cheerful, which is captivating and helps you in your relationships.

Remember people's name

Would you think remembering people's names can have an important convincing power? Well, in this part of the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" we will understand why and learn how to incorporate this habit.

Remembering and using a person's name is a subtle but powerful way of convincing. When you promote this habit, it draws people closer to you and makes them feel valued, aspects that aid in the return you will receive.

The first time you meet the person, find out and understand his/her name. So during the conversation, it is important that you repeat that name to associate it with the person you are talking to.

Finally, it's interesting that you write on a paper and associate the name with some of the person's striking features as it becomes easier to memorize.

Listen to what others have to say

The author Dale Carnegie, makes us understand why it is more important to listen than to speak when you want to gain someone's trust.

Humans are always interested in talking about themselves, and that's why we love to meet someone who wants to hear us.

So if you want to be more friendly and kind, talk less and listen more. Ask others about their lives and allow them to develop their ideas from there, with few interruptions.

In a conversation, most people are more concerned about the next talk than listening to what the other person is talking about. To truly listen, it takes a conscious effort to give your full attention to the other person.

On the other hand, talking too much about yourself and interrupting others as they speak will make people avoid you because these are characteristics of egocentric people.

Know what they want

In this part, the author presents us a way to find out what other people want.

If you want someone to do something, try to imagine the perspective of that individual: how can I make him want to do this?

US President Theodore Roosevelt, always prepared for a meeting seeking to know everything about the other person's interests. He understood that the direction to please someone, is to talk about what that person values most.

If it is difficult and you are not sure of the other's wishes, remember people's favorite subject: themselves.

Avoid discussions, they can't be overcome

In this overview, we'll explain why you should shy away from discussions of any nature.

Arguing with another person does not make much sense. You see, if you lose, you lose the discussion. If you win, the other person will resent you and probably will not be able to establish a relationship.

In addition, in 9 of 10 times the discussion will reinforce the other person's thinking about that subject that generated the conflict initially. That way, the best approach is to avoid this from the beginning.

So, whenever you find opposition to your ideas, do not start arguing to defend your vision. Instead, try to see the disagreement as something positive that can bring a new perspective to the subject matter.

Listen to what the other person has to say without resistance or protests, and promise to carefully review their advice. Try to find points that you agree on and admit if you have made mistakes, which will decrease your opponent's stamina.

Finally, always thank the conversation and try to schedule a new meeting, so that the two parties can think about the matter and, finally, reach a common solution.

Admit your errors

Dale Carnegie outlines a way for you to disarm someone who is going to scold you.

The truth is that we all make mistakes. And when you make a mistake and someone rebukes you, there is an effective way to disarm the person: admitting your mistake.

This helps because now, in order for the person to feel important, he must show generosity and forgive you instead of attacking you as was the first intention.

So the next time you realize you've made a mistake, admit it enthusiastically. It will promote better results and you will notice that it is much more enjoyable than defending yourself when someone points out your faults.

Be friendly

Finally, the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" makes we'll understand how much being friendly can impact our business and our life.

In 1915, John D. Rockefeller Jr. was one of the most hated people in the American state of Colorado. His company employees were on strike for two years demanding better wages and working conditions, which led to violent conflicts.

In the midst of such tension, it seemed almost impossible to convince union representatives. So Rockefeller decided his strategy would be to be friendly and talked to the strikers closely, as if they were friends who shared many interests.

The result? The miners returned to work without further questioning about payments and conditions.

With the cited example, it is easy to see that people tend to change their thinking more easily when treated amicably. So, whatever you want to achieve, always treat people in a friendly and friendly way.

It is naive to think that by applying the tips given above you will always see the result you want. This is not how things work.

However, it is possible to realize that most people tend to change their attitudes towards you when you make use of these principles, which can already be very useful and important for your personal and professional life.

Books about communication

In the book "How to Manipulate & Persuade Thousands of People", Ricardo Ventura presents a step by step to become an excellent communicator, technical oral statistics, Neurolinguistic Programming and mental triggers that help you to be more friendly. With this book, you'll overcome shyness by learning how to target body language techniques.

In "Influence: Science and Practice", the author Robert Cialdini points out that reciprocity is one of the key points to get even closer to people, because it is through it that others create affection for us, easier for our company.

Another author who also deals with the same subject mentioned in this summary, is Mark H. McCormack in his book "What They Don't Teach at Harvard Business School", showing that for a good negotiation, the ideal is to reach a win-win result, that is, both win and are satisfied.

How can I influence people?

  • If you want to make yourself closer to someone, you shouldn't criticize him;
  • Start with sincere compliments;
  • Put yourself in the shoes of others, being empathetic;
  • Don't interrupt others when they are talking;
  • Talk less about yourself and spend more;
  • Before pointing out or making mistakes of others, take the first;
  • Make people happy around you.

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Book 'How to Win Friends & Influence People'

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